Mikisuki's Translated Lyrics

BTWs, I don't know where I should post this so I decided to post this topic here.

I've been inspired by Razzy's multitude of lyrics to make artsy translations of songs. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot sing and everytime I want to sing, it is always gonna be inconvenient. So I have settled by rewriting translations for song lyrics. I guess I'll put the romaji, the literal translation, and then my rewriting. I'd love criticism. Keep in mind, I am only doing this for fun.

My first one is for Leia by Yuyoyuppe.

Romaji
kimi no koe wo kika sete
yodo mu kokoro wo hara tte
itsuwari no kyan basu wo
nuri tsubushitekunda
kyou mo

shuumatsu nonai gensou ni
sawareta kiga shita
nante yobe baiindarou
kawa ranai ondo
hohoemi ga naizou wo
kui tsubusu mae ni
kyou wo tojikome tayo
hase ru, mirai ha haiiro

nozomu nara kuusou
sabi reta uso
kanau naramotto
kika sete

kokoro kara afure teta
itoshi sawo chiribamete
kimi no koe ni kasane ta
koukotsu ha haruka
katachi arumononaraba
kuzure yukumononaraba
kono ryoume ha ira nai
boku wo tsutsun de
Leia...

shuumatsu nonai gensou ha
kanashi ku waratta
nante yobe baiindarou
hibiku, kotoba ha haiiro

eien hasotto
iki wotomete
boku wo oi tetta
zetsubo u heto

hari no oto ga toma reba
kono sekai ha owa ruyo
negau dakeno kotoba ha
imi womotanakatta
mou sukoshi dake waratte
mou sukoshi dake inotte
kiko enainaramouisso
boku wo koroshi teyo

kimi no koe wo kika sete
yodo mu kokoro wo hara tte
itsuwari no kyanbasu wo
kimi to houmuru nda
kimi to boku no akashi wo
nokosusube ganainara
nukumori wo yaki tsukete
boku wo koroshi te
Leia...

Leia...

Translation (taken from animelyrics.com)
Let me hear your voice
Erase this sinking heart
I’ll paint on
The canvas of lies
Today

I feel like I've reached
the endless illusion
"What should I call it?"
the temperature doesn't change
Before laughter eats
away at my insides
I locked in today;
the future I think of is grey

Fantasy that I wanted;
Deserted lies
If you want,
let me hear it
I embedded the love
that overflowed from the heart
Ecstasy that overlapped
with your voice is far away
If there's a form,
if it's going to be destroyed
I don't need these two eyes;
embrace me
Leia...

The endless illusions
laughed sadly
"What should I call it?"
The echoing words are grey

Eternity slightly
stopped its breath
And left me
to go to despair

When the sound of the clockhand stops,
the world is going to end
Words that only hope
don't have any meaning
Laugh a little more,
pray a little more
If you can't hear me,
then just kill me

Let me hear your voice;
erase this sinking heart
I'll bury the canvas
of lies with you
If there's no way to leave
an evidence of you and me
Then burn me
and kill me
Leia...

Leia…

Rewrite
You’re the only one I have in my heart
Even though I know you’re breaking me apart
Using all the same colors as before
On the canvas made of lies
Once more…

I can’t see what’s in front of me
Stuck inside of a fantasy
“What shall I call this masterpiece?”
What’s this feeling inside of me?
I hear you laughing straight at me
Resonating inside my soul
Locked away all the hues of life
Filled with grey, my future’s enveloped with strife

Dreams of what I had wanted
Surrounded by deserts of lies
Say out loud what you want
To get from me!

Dreaming of your love is so addicting
Deep inside I know it’s quite restricting
My devotion cannot bring you nearer
So that your voice can be clearer
My art is the only way to see you
And without my art, there would not be you
Without you my eyes don’t even matter
Trade my eyes for your embrace
Leia…

Stuck inside of a fantasy
I hear you laughing straight at me
“What shall I call this masterpiece?”
Everything, is colorless, empty, and grey

Time has stopped all around me
My heart’s no longer free
Chained and left me defenseless
To rot in misery

When the clock no longer counts the minutes
I know that, for me, my life is finished
Every bit of hope for liberation
Is extinguished from existence
Maybe if I laugh a little louder
Maybe if I pray a little louder
If you cannot hear what I am saying
Tell me what’s the point of staying

You’re the only one I have in my heart
Even though I know you’re breaking me apart
I will lie to rest my vision of you
On the canvas made of lies
If there is no way for me to have you
Then there is no way for me to love you
Living in a world where I can’t love you
Is a world I can’t live in
Leia…

Leia…