Shuu's Little Writing Corner

...So, recently, speaking with my dear daughter Jas over Skype, I was reminded that I hadn't put my quill to the parchment lately. I thought I'd spam something here, maybe more when I'm bored.
...I wonder if my adult sensibility will have kicked in by now, and if I can write some more mature stuff...

Eating chocolate at the moment, so from that point...


My box of chocolates had since the beginning been scattered
And crushed underfoot. I wonder when I had realized that.
The thought even now makes me weep through my splayed fingers
That shield my lowered face.

The image in the mirror, when I have the courage to look,
Is fractured and piecemeal, but somehow,
Is distinct and familiar - I have grown accustomed
To the bitter herbs I have swallowed.

On the wayside once, I had picked a lonely wildflower.
It reminded me of you.
The faint of venom when I held it to my nose
At once revolted and mesmerized me.

I have not once held you since that bouquet I sent you
Of the wildflowers that called to mind you.
I wonder if you miss the embrace of my pitifully small hands
As much as I miss your tepid and absent warmth.

The chains of time are merciless and cold
Around my chafed wrists. Someday soon,
There will be no more room for me to embrace you.
Will you have left me in scorn by then?

I have for a long time been more than the child
You have always taken me for. My shoulders now
Are broader than you remember, my back, too,
Is straighter and stronger - you can lean on me.

Lay your head on my chest and cry out the poison
Of your lonely despair. Let me receive
The pointed blades of your sad anger. One day,
These chains around my wrists will be your salvation.

If this is the box of chocolates life has offered me,
And you are the one innocuously poisonous truffle,
Then willingly, knowingly, I put this piece - you - into my mouth
And savour the taste of my imminent demise.

This castle of sand has been crumbling from above my head
For almost as long as I can remember now.
Where has your initial sweetness disappeared to?
Your inescapable bitterness only reminds me of my own folly.

As the caged bird that cannot survive outside its confines,
I only gaze longingly out the open door, but am content
To remain within. I wish you to leave me to this fate, and,
Like the predatory vulture, wheel away in cawing triumph.

If it can be granted for me to see from below with my fading eyes
Your wretchedly beautiful form leaving, humbled and heavy
With my flesh in your belly, then open for me this box of chocolates:
I will unhesitatingly devour you.



Matured...? ...I'm still writing in my standard 4-line stanzas... -_-" Not that there's anything wrong with 4 lines.... The shape of the poem is... not beautiful. ...I must be rusty... Connectedness... is mediocre. Too florid, probably - I still haven't cured my love of adjectives or verbosity. The change in tone... is weird, because some lines remind me of a Latin translation... -_- Rhythm... is only messed up in one line... ...And the ending is abrupt, as usual. Sigh. I need to learn how to properly end things. Overall: ...I guess there's a bit of improvement?

....Somehow, it became a dark love poem with lots of sex scattered through it. I wonder how that came to be.... Maa.... I wonder if anyone will bother reading through that monster up there....

Anyway, poison references probably because I'm listening to vip店長's Cantarella. ...vip店長 = much RABU. ...And yes, that was totally irrelevant.I just love vip店長 too much.

Haven't written anything for quite a while now. If you have had the patience to read through this post, please tell me what you think? I may eventually begin writing more often again.

W-wow, that was beautiful, as usual~ And I understood almost every word! :hyper:

Your love for adjectives really help alot, ne? Hope you don't mind if later on when school's back in session if I ask for help on homework >3< -or when i'm writing my crappy fanfics-

I don'treally understand the land of poems, so I can't really tell what was good or bad...-in my mind, it's all good! 8D-

Haha. Thanks for dropping by, Jas~! ^_^

Papa would be glad to help out in any way possible. (...My love for adjectives is.... greater even than my love for vip店長. orz Especially the oddball, pretty-looking ones. They don't need to sound excessively pretty, but they need to look pretty.)

...Now that I think about it, the opening and the ending don't match up... At first, the box was already opened, then it was closed and needed to be opened again. And the the woman... went from one chocolate to being the whole box.... OTL Should cure my habit of spewing things out without thinking about it first. If I rewrote this, I would want the woman to be the closed box of chocolates life presented, cause then the unwrapping/eating can be a metaphor for sex. -_-"

But poetry in general... is kind of a messed up thing...

Completely beautiful, you should be a poet.

Papa!! this is cool lol xD i've never been tht good with poetry altho i like poems xD will look forward to more of papa's works :D Ganbare tou-san!!

Whoa~! People visited~!!!! Thank you for dropping by!!! >w<

Papa will attempt to write more frequently~!

This was really bittersweet. I think you could turn this into a song! To be honest, I though these stanzas were song lyrics when I first read through them. It feels lyrical and flows nicely, I think you could just work with four chords, play around with the words and it can turn into a song.

^
..If your going to write this into a song, shuu, I wanna help!!X3

@Murasaki-chan (紫花 is such a pretty name. oAo): Thank you so much~! <3 Hm... Always wanted to try my hand at writing lyrics, actually, but never quite understood how to write the lyrics first, and then the song. Or maybe it should be song, then lyrics? >_> Yeah... I dunno. 8D

As for this one... I think I'll pass on the song. >_____> The progression is strange for lyrics, since the lines get longer and longer, and there's no return to the initial meter. I don't have anything that could be used as a chorus... although I guess I could come up with something if I really wanted to... It would be about chocolates and poison and whatnot. 8D

But in order to be interesting to listen to, a song really needs a bridge and a climax, which I... can't really see in this thing I wrote. -_-" Sections A and C also need to be highly similar to bring a sense of closure... Just in terms of meaning, too, I feel that it doesn't quite fit a song progression....

And also because this thing was pretty heavily tempered by the Cantarella I was listening to when I was writing it. For something with such similar themes... It doesn't compare to Canatarella. 8D (<-perfectionist)


@Jas: If I ever do write lyrics, then I'll definitely enlist your help. 8D I'll also have to find a more competent composer than myself. 8DDDD

Thank you! I really like purple and flowers ^w^
That's true... to follow the traditional verse 1-chorus-verse 2-chorus-bridge-chorus form, it'd be difficult working with this lovely poem. But then again, there are a lot of songs these days with a different form like Glow and Calc. They both have a recurring theme, however, and as you pointed out it wouldn't fit in with the words.
PS what's your YT account?

@ hana-san! tou-san's yt is SeitanoShuuki XDD

@tou-san!! I could be that composer of yours!!

@Murasaki-chan: (hehe~ Reminds me of Lady Murasaki. ^_^) What Kaho-chan said. It's also linked in the little round green button under my avatar.

@Kaho-chan: Really?! Kaho-chan composes?! >w< That's so cool!!!!

So... I heard the Rosa x Apol x Haru rendition of Choose Me (which, btw, is PURE EPIC and MORE WIN THAN WIN). Listen to the epicness here. (Yeah, pimping for them.) The story line is just... ... *cries silently while looking at you with big eyes* That kind of thing really gets to me, and I was thinking how contraried I'd be feeling in the guy's shoes. And... I think this is a heartfelt reflection of my thoughts on the subject.



In the aftermath of the concealed confrontation,
You turned your back, and I, numbly, allowed my hand to fall open,
Not wanting to think of happiness.

Stubbornly, I, too, walked away,
Desperately wanting to believe
That there would be no regret.

I try to drown myself in the drugged stupor
Of my delicately perfumed sin,
But as time passes, I only become more acutely aware
That the chrysalis we cherished together
Is dead and drying into a dull brown husk.

Nothing will escape from its closed embrace now, I know,
But it doesn't lessen the cloying scent of unease
That refuses to lift from around me.

Childishly, I turn my face and run
To the pressing limits of ignorance - run
Until the ground below me is no more.

One day, this immature me
May find the courage to burn it all away:
The false shelter I have found in these arms,
The sickly sweet scent of my treasured sin,
The fragile husk that had once been my all.

With a bitterness tinging my usual apathy,
I wonder if those promised butterfly's wings
Will ever sprout from my back,
And carry me above the wreckages I have created
Before I too disappear into these gentle flames.


*sobs* I feel like I expressed myself properly for once. But this whole thing is just... *sobs in corner*

EDIT: A player writing about playing around gone wrong... This is kinda ironic. >______> OH GAWD I WANNA CRY>

I love the imagery you impose on people, your love for adjectives I think matches my love for verbs. See, when a verb is used people don't realize the sheer impact it can have when swapped with let's say...one that would fit more in context. Here's something snipped out of a review I made on someone's poem:

"Being an 'adult' is something I don't know how to do."

1.A task I don't know how to perform.
2.A demand I don't know how to complete.
3.A request I don't know how to satisfy.
4.A state of mind I don't know how to enter.
5.A theory I don't know how to grasp.
6. A standard I don't know how to meet.
7. An expectation I don't know how to suffice.

Depending on how it's used, it can either add or subtract from your overall meaning. Use your context, and use words that have a connotation that will work to your advantage. You need to be able to flow and give depth without confusing the reader.

Lovely corner you have plastered on this forum, it looks rather...abysmal inspiring.

I can play around with adjectives too

Thanks for dropping by, Xero-san~!

You know, that's an excellent point. I'm usually so lost in adjective-land that I neglect the other parts of speech a little. I'll have to make more of an effort to love my verbs and nouns from now on. *determined* Hm~ So many things to consider... Also, the placement of particles and the lack thereof contributes a lot to the tone of the writing...

Haha~ I'll stop rambling first. But yeah... My poetry... is usually extremely depressive. 8D Probably because I vent in about 1 or 2 verses, BS the rest of the poem, and then feel better. 8DDD

Every poem I've made was BS'd out of constant ranting in my own thoughts. Don't feel bad~

But yea, I like your writing style. I wonder, do you write stories, or do you rant/make blurbs (I think they call it blogging xD)? I just made a thread, and added my most recent meaningful blurb I wrote 30 mins ago

Thank you, Xero-san~!

I tried my hand at writing stories a few years back, but I'd always be bogged down by the interplay between characters and wouldn't be able to write the actual events that would forward the storyline... -.-" So... It never got very far.

Blogs seem to me to be the electronic equivalent of journals, and... I write in mine about once every year. 8D I'm not such an interesting person that I'd be able to write about my everyday life like that.

In the end... it kinda just boils down to poetry, since I can vent my anger (...which, suitably, is quite volatile and dissipates quite quickly) in a few verses.

Mhm. People keep telling me I have this talent for just writing thing of awe. Like yesterday someone did me a favor and I promised to write them a gory NSFW story since they liked horror stuff. So I put them on Skype.

And created the story right on the spot in front of them. After an hour of straight typing Chapter 1 was created, and they were amazed. I can't post it since it's NSFW, involving nudity, sexual relations and violence, and other things I'm not used to writing. To be honest I don't feel comfortable reading it, but I don't mind just writing it and getting it out of the way. It's weird, but yea, it's REALLY NSFW stuff.

They still can't get over how I wrote it on the spot, and I don't realize how it can be so hard. Maybe I can give you some pointers though, or things that I do to just create a story out of thin air.

Edit: Sorry for being gone so long, was dealing with life threatening issues.

OAO Are you okay?! Life-threatening is generally not too cool. >___> And same. Apologies for disappearing for a long time. Life got in the way. orz

As for spontaneous writing, it all hinges on inspiration, right? =/ I feel like I've become too tightly bound by the visions of literature. I wrote stories when I was younger, and then as I grew up, I wanted more and more to write stories that were more than stories. Well, to be honest, I wanted to write novels, but because a novel is such an all-encompassing entity, I wanted to write novels that did not simply mimic the world I and others see, but extend it. In the end, the plot became nothing but a vehicle through which the tragedy (or comedy) of human existence could be seen. I'm a bit of a psychologist and an idealist, so the crux of everything I wanted to write was the characters. ...None of the stories I'd wanted to write ever had a protagonist. There was no character who was so minor he should not merit the spotlight for himself and bloom in whichever crooked way he was able. This wish of mine is far too cumbersome, and exceeds the limitations of prose narrative, so I never really got on it. Besides, I'm a stickler for details. The timeline must be clear down to the split second; each character must be psychologically viable as an existing human; no two characters' accounts may contradict without excellent reason; and deus ex machinae or similar contrived plot-navigators (ie. a completely idiot reason for so-and-so to do this or that just so that they'd be in this kind of situation for the ending to work) MUST and WILL be eliminated.

As you can expect, I don't read much fiction any more. My skill is not enough to write what I want, also. ...Speaking of which, Hugo is a master at this. <3 Hugo should be worshipped. /shot


EDIT: Going back and reading that last one... I feel like OTLing a little bit. The introduction of the word "chrysalis" was so abrupt and unexpected!!! Although I quite appreciated the reappearance of the "love as metamorphosis" thing I had going in the last stanza where he talks about the butterfly wings. =w=)v /shot

I kinda like this one, actually, despite that uber awkward bit with the "blahblahblahCHRYSALIS!!!blahblahblah" 8D Imagery is OK, internal movement is OK, and extended metaphor is OK. <3 ...LOL I find it funny how I analyze the things I write like this. 8D

I like it, but I'm not satisfied with just this level of artistry. But... I... don't know how to make it better. orz

Glad to see you back too xDDDDDD

You have a lot of time anyway, enjoy life.

Lol Thanks, Xero-kun! ^_^

Drums like galloping hooves
beating against my apprehensive heart -
To where? To where do the wardrums
point my sharpened spear?
I fear my aim is not true,
its wooden shaft being warped
by my overflowing sweat and blood.

A dull pounding in the back of my head
like the persistent pulse of a threatening ache -
Will the sun set again for me, I wonder,
and will I see again its red and orange rays
traversing its battlefield in the heavens.
I wish for strength like the sun off my helmet
to unyieldingly dye the field before me in my colours.

Staring straight ahead while hurtling forward,
my spear seeking some point in the near distance
and my eyes wide and horrified
seeing nothing. To what end?
There is no purpose to my aim; all foes equally great.
I wish only to move forward - survive another dusk -
with the strength of the unyielding sun.



I am intensely bored during my shift. It is 7:30am in the morning, and I am listening to this.

This is a rather interesting structure, I think - haven't written in 7-line stanzas maybe... ever. 8D The beat of the song made me feel a little unsettled, as though it were spurring me on. So... like a war drum. I guess carrying on was what was on my mind. //shrug

//thrashes around and smashes the keyboard

6 minutes before I need to go and image my cells. It is 5:44pm, and I am the last person to leave work, as usual.

Quiet footsteps, leaving no echo down
the endless corridor - it stretches
to a point far off in the distance, as though
inviting - and mocking - my efforts
towards a further goal.

The lights are like dim fireflies, swaying -
or do they? - silently on the ceiling,
their light ever unwavering over my head.
I wait with bated breath - for what reason? -
for another set of footsteps to cross mine.

Darkened doors line my field of sight,
some closed, some open, some just ajar -
they call for my decision, but I
stay fast on my road, feeling that the chosen door
is ever just beyond my next footstep.

Okay~! Time to go image cells~~~~ lol

Your poems are so beautiful, its like leia itself lol. I'm falling in love with your words. won't they ever love me back ?

Awww Thanks, Yuki-chan. <3 It's an honour to be compared to Leia. owo That's one beautifully written and composed song.

Shuu's words loves everyone, because Shuu loves everyone. www