Prose: Teach Me How To Love

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"It's Christmas today. Can I hear your answer?" I read on Google Talk the moment I opened my Gmail.

"What about Christmas?" I typed back immediately, slightly agitated. Why can't he let go?

"Most lovers get their answers on Christmas…"

I leaned back on my chair and sighed. "I gave you my answer a long time ago."

"Not even a little bit of that feeling remains?"

"No." And there never was that feeling. By then I was annoyed for the fact that I had given him my answer two months ago – before he turned into a jerk.

"Fine! Fine, then."

That was the last I heard from him.

Two months ago, he had said he loved me. He had always been cute and I liked him – as a friend.

After his confession, I still hung around him. He had always been a close guy-friend. That was my first mistake. I had given him false hope.

"Can I hug you?" he asked me one day.

One thing that hadn't changed about him was that he's straightforward, and probably the most I've met even until now.

I didn't give him an answer but still chatted with him a lot. That was what made him think I liked him back.

Normally when I'd arrive at school in the morning, he and I are the only ones there. Taking that as an advantage, while I was sitting there, he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.

I thought there was supposed to be some kind of feeling behind the hug. I thought, as read in novels, I was supposed to feel butterflies in my stomach. I thought it was supposed to feel magical. I thought it was supposed to confirm my feelings for him.

"I love you." he whispered next to my ear.

"I… I love you, too."

That was the main issue to the mistake.

I thought I loved him back. I thought these feelings were true. I thought his words were supposed to touch my heart. I thought his warmth was supposed to give me confidence about our relationship.

I thought I could have forgiven myself for lying.

Two weeks after his first hug, he continued to request me of things that I did not enjoy. First was to harass my chest, which I thought was too much already, then it jumped to harassing my lower private part.

I knew I should have rejected him. If I had done so, it wouldn't have been so hard for me, not mentioning for him as well.

The dance was coming up. He never asked me because I had finally confronted him about my feelings.

After we talked, he changed completely. He used to be sweet and loving. He used to stick around me during break times. He used to walk me to my bus. But after I told him "I don't think I can take you as anything more than a friend," he started ignoring me. He never talked to me afterwards. That was when he has completely transformed himself into a jerk, a loser – I mean, shouldn't guys be able to get over a relationship?

"I don't get it! After all we've been through!" He looked like he was about to cry.

"I know, I know… I'm really sorry. I couldn't give you a direct answer because something was blocking me to love anybody…"

"And you think I can believe in an excuse like that? Fine! Whatever." After giving me a final stare, he walked off. He left me there, as if I was the worst, as if I was toying with him, as if I was the one at fault.

I admit, though. It was my fault that my feelings were so numb and I couldn't feel anything anymore. But he could've at least tried breaking this wall between us instead of acting like a jerk.

After that following Christmas, everything ended between us.

The next year, somebody else tried to hook my heart.

He said he loved me. He said it to me everyday.

I kept on trying to get myself to fall in love with someone. But I couldn't. For some reason, something was blocking me to love a person back. Even if I wanted to love that person, something wouldn't let me.

"I can't… I'm sorry. I don't know my own feelings anymore. I really want to know how it feels like to love someone… But I can't return anyone's feelings anymore."

"It's okay." he replied in a calm tone.

"My feelings are numb! How is that okay?!" I felt like more is coming to make me feel worse than I already am. After the incident with the first guy, I never fell in love with anyone. My emotions had been rusty; I could not feel love anymore.

"It's okay… No matter how much you hurt me, I will still tell you how much I love you. Even if you are unable to love me back, I will still wear a smile on my face."

He taught me, even if I am unable to feel these emotions, of how it is still possible to melt someone's heart, for even a millisecond, even for someone without passion to love others, he has taught me how it is to feel the slightest bit of a heartthrob.

why is this topic so dead? XD
i like the start, but it gets a bit dragging towards the end. good stuff though. has a lot of potential. (:

PavementRaindrops wrote:why is this topic so dead? XD
i like the start, but it gets a bit dragging towards the end. good stuff though. has a lot of potential. (:

Thank you! Ahaha, I guess not much people like to read? XDD
Though, thanks for reading!

@Annie gahh, i know. D:
i looked at the other topics filed in writing and it's like a ghost town wtf. XD

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Reading this early in the morning made me a happy panda.
So cute~!

Gin-chan wrote:fdsjktrheuhfdsgehtwifh

Reading this early in the morning made me a happy panda.
So cute~!

Ahahaha, thank you, Gin-gin. c: