When Love Ends for the First Time

Something I wrote... Half a year ago? Maybe a bit less? That sounds about right.

I was listening to When Love Ends for the First Time in the car back then and I wondered what the person on the other side was thinking. So why not write one?

Yeah, here you go.




I shivered as a bitter, cold wind circled my face, making my cheeks tingle. On any other night, this would be nothing, but my entire body shivered. Not from the cold, though. I breathed a heavy-hearted breath into my numb palms. As I made my way to the station, the trees, the buildings, the frosted streets and the icy sky seemed to be covered by an ethereal illumination, a cool blue glow, while at the same time warm and bright. The snow-covered trees lining the boulevard twinkled, as if covered by flicking Christmas lights. But no, they reflected that same ethereal light being cast all around me.

I tried to speak, but choked on my own words before they could leave my tongue. I looked at her, just for a moment. Her solemn face matched mine; Melancholic, on the verge of tears. I felt one well up in my eye, but it quickly vanished.
If I shed a tear, I thought, it would freeze and shatter on the ground. I nearly managed a smile, but it fluttered from my mind as she squeezed my hand tighter.

One thing ran through my mind. I love you. Why is this happening? Why are you being taken away? Please, don't look back. I don't want to see...

No. I want to see your face. Your sweet face, unsoiled by the harsh toil of reality.

Thank you...

While you were here, you've shown me what life is.

Goodbye...

Who will show me what life is, right now? Perhaps... Perhaps this mystical illumination is the guiding light you've been to me.

My love to you... It feels bitter. Not... Not bitter feelings, not hate. No, I would die before I hate you. Goodbye, though... It feels bitter. Walking through the street, holding your hand... It's just so... Strange. I see your face, I can feel you in my hand, but knowing I'll wake up tomorrow without seeing your smiling face...
I know it'll happen, but I can't wrap my head around it.

I thought for a moment... If I wait... If I spend another minute, another precious minute with you, will that be another minute to remember? Another sacred minute that I can remember all my life?

I felt my hand tug against yours. You stopped walking.
Without words, I knew you thought the same thing.

Let's stay here for a minute, I thought. We pulled off the sidewalk, in front of the bright window of a restaurant. I cradled you in my arms, feeling your warm face against my neck.

Thank you.

Before... I had no idea what to do in life. All I ever did was be pushed through life, through school. I wasn't even close to done, though, before I realized I was on my own. When... When you came into my life, I had something to live for. Something to fill my remaining years.

Goodbye...

Am I on my own, again?

It sounded like a hiccup. You raised your arm to your eyes and held your head down.
"I won't cry", I thought I heard you say. Did you say it, or were your words carried off by the bitter chill?

The moment you lowered your arm, you moved your head back up. I saw your glittering eyes... And I thought, for a moment. Will I see these eyes again? What I've gazed into, what's fascinated me? Will I live without this twinkle, like the brightest star in the sky?

You reached your arm out. I saw why... Stardust, or so I thought, sprinkled down from the sky like cotton. It vanished, quicker than the blink of an eye, as it touched the soft skin on your hand, leaving nothing behind.

You motioned your head to the side, further down the street. I knew what you meant; "Let's continue. It's cold."
My precious minute of memory was far overdue, and it hurt to accept such a thing. But I did, since I knew it had to be done. I caressed you in my arms and we carried on.


"Look, look! Snow... The first snowflake this year!" I heard from across the street, a gleeful voice echoed through the empty streets. A couple, holding their hearts close to each other, were earnestly gazing upon the crisp, falling snow. The look on their faces... Carefree. They were enjoying everything about their life right now, everything this night.
When I spoke my first word to you, I imagined a blissful future, living beside you. I imagined us, walking down a chilly street, hand in hand. The snow falling, and me holding you in my arms. I'd give you a gift, a show of my love... A ring, perhaps a box of chocolate.
What happened to my fantasies? I wanted to be like them, not how it is now.

I remembered. I reached for my pocket, but stopped. I saw your hand do the same.
Our eyes met, we managed weak smiles, and continued on our way.

I wrote a song for this moment, as soon as I heard you were leaving. I poured my soul into this... I placed every last piece of emotion into the trust of my pen, wondering if the piece of paper would stay in my mind for the next days it'd have to stay in my hands. Now that the moment has come...
I could have taken it out, right at that moment. I could have put my hours and days to good use, when I put my emotion into my pen and from the pen onto the paper. The paper that stayed crumpled in my pocket right now.
Why didn't I reclaim my emotion?
What could have I done to give that emotion to you?

Later... Later, at the last moment, I'll hand you this song.

What a coward I am. I'm scared...

Scared, that this song will become nothing but memories, memories to fade away once life here ends and life elsewhere begins. I just wanted to know... I wanted to know that this would be more than a memory to fade away.
Will I be able to give this to you at all?

I see your solemn eyes gazing at the frosty sidewalk.

Thank you...
You've given me purpose. When I was alone, I did nothing because I knew it was for nothing. Then... Then I had something to devote my life to. I knew something would come out of what I did.
It'd make you happy.

Goodbye...
Will I become what I was before? If I know what I do isn't going to make you happy, but instead... Nothing...
Will I be nothing again?

Somewhere... Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought something like this would happen, but I always brushed the thought off like a bad dream. I loved you too much to let you go, and I still do.
But you're not going. You're being taken from me.

I knew you'd be taken from me, whether it be countless years from now, or now.
I never thought how I'd live after you vanish from my life. I knew the day would come...
Right?

If you were immortal, if your life never ended, and I were to die...
I would wait in Heaven until you came.

Thank you...
Your presence in my life has filled what I've been missing. As a child, I found carefree pleasure in everything I did. In a sort of trance, I'd feel as if the world is mine. I lost it over time, and life became a neverending cycle of empty and empty again...
But when I hold your hand, I get that feeling back. The feeling I haven't felt for so many years, the carefree pleasure that lets life be life.

Goodbye...
Will I lose my feeling again? Will I return to my empty days, filled with idle chatter to friends, classes and mindless entertainment? Will I have nothing to think of?
No. I'll always be thinking of you.


Your hand trembled as we approached the glowing clocktower by the station. The shining hands on the clock showed exactly what I wanted the least; Five minutes.
Five minutes until I never see your silk skin, your glowing eyes, your warm lips...

Now, I feel troubled.

I'm waving goodbye to my very heart, and yet my heart feels so far away from my body. I want... I wanted to know you some more. I wanted to get inside your pure mind and know everything there is to know about you, only so I could show my love in ways that would mean most to you.
I don't have to think for a moment. I want to know you more than anything else in the world.
I want you more than anything else in the world.

Your hand left mine, and the warmth, the glow of life left with it. As long as my hand remains empty, so does my mind.

Is this...
Is this what we call "goodbye"?

Don't go, I thought. Stay here, with me. We can be happy. We can live together, we can wake up every morning to each other's smiling faces and drift to sleep every night to each other's warm smiles.

But I knew you had to go. I know that...
I know how sweet you are. I know that I would do anything for you, and I pray that you would do the same for me.
I reached forward for your hand, and clasped it with all my heart. Our skin together pushed out the frigid air, and filled me with a warmth I worried I wouldn't feel again.

You looked back into my eyes, and I could see the sorrow inside them. "Please, let my hand go", they said.
A tear welled into my eye. You grabbed your belongings and stepped away from me, stepped onto the train.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for myself... I'm sorry that I was never strong enough to keep you, never strong enough to change things. Change things so you'd stay.

I love you.



Thank you.
The world "love" had lost its meaning... I heard it every day, and never did I know what it meant, until you showed me.
You showed me how love feels.

Goodbye.
Will the meaning be lost to me again?

My lip quivered, I choked on my tears. I tried to say something, but choked again.
Please... For a moment, give me the courage to speak.
Give me the courage to say the three words I have to say.

"Hey, um..."

My frozen ears were serenaded by your voice for the first time this night. You turned around and faced me, then stepped forward.
Your lips, I could see you were about to speak.
I was so close to you... I was holding you. I was holding you in my arms, holding you tightly.

"Can I cry... Just for this moment?"

There's no need for words, anymore.

Please. Let me hold you.

All was silent, except for the patter of our soft tears landing upon the frosted ground.



As the train departed and I walked away, I held the song in my pocket tightly and wondered. By this time next year...

What will I be?
What will you be?


I wonder.

T.T that was depressing

thx for making me feel so sad...

anyways you write greatly! I like how you gave the protagonist an a feeling of uncertainty by having words repeated twice.

as far as I read it, no grammar mistakes~

though some parts give me the feeling of DeJaVu because some content was repeated throughout the story.

Other than that, love how you leave the reader wondering at the end " Whats going to happen to them" and leave them guessing about the characters

Great job and I hopes you continue to write here~ if you're not too busy uploading videos XD

Well, hey. If you get a translation of the original song, all the stuff you said you liked is in that, too. Not much I've actually done here.

I'll keep writing, though (Since I do that once in a while when I get some nice ideas). I'll definitely post them.

They're always depressing, though.

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Oh, wow. That was truely beautiful. I really love your writing!

You should definitely write more often, this song is one of my favorites ever, and you just made me love it even more!

The last part was my favorite. I don't know what else to say... I love it ;A;

This is really beautiful! I also like how you've written it, the words you used, the first person perspective, the repeated words and your style. But I also felt really sad after reading it, especially the last part... But it's a good thing, because you make your readers feel moved.

Like what playamount and Aelve said, keep writing. I'll be looking forward to reading more of your works Anu-kun.. =3

Ooooh. <3

I was planning on that. But hey, you took the idea away. Jokes.

Nice. You have a potential for writing and that was enjoyable. :D It was beautiful and I was close to crying.

Omgawd. That was amazing. The entire time I was like "ACK! This is so sad! I can't read any longer... no MUST READ!!!!! MUST!!!!!!!" so i was basically already addicted to this amazing piece of art xD;.

Aw, I don't know if I should be happy that people are saying it's good or not so much because it's all depressingliek.

Still, thankies. 8D

Screentime GET, plus 5 cool points for ANU

I hate reading depressing stuff, but that was totally awesomesauce! I think writing comes from the heart when you don't know how to fully express yourself, and I think that music ties in closely with expression! It's all LINKKED

Good job :D I liked it!

Reminds me of When First Love Ends lol.
THAT WAS SO SAD!!
I...I cant believe I cried
Good job!

i really like the song.

happy + sad = now. LOL

I loved this. I connected to it easily since I lost my first love. *nods*

You're amazing.