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Ikikur Wrote Stuff
3 posters
Page 1 of 1
Ikikur Wrote Stuff
by ikikurface Sat Jan 11, 2014 7:05 pm
This is where I write stuff and post it and I may not like it. End of story.
- Rose:
- The girl clutched the stem so tightly,As she climbed to the petals of the rose,No matter how hard she tried,She always fell to the bottom in her pool of blood.She didn't give in,So she reached a thorn with her blood stains upon it,Up she goes, trying to reach the petals,Only to fall back into her own pool of blood.Though corrupted and damaged as she is,She continued to climb to the vibrant rose petals,Every time her fall is longer,In so, the dried blood stains become more infrequent.So she began to climb again,Her bloodied hands raw from the fresh thorns she touched,As she continued on her dimly lit journey to the rose petals,No matter how much corruption and damage she takes.I honestly didn't like how this turned out, but it is okay I guess. There is a meaning in here so interpret it any way you want. ^.^ 11/1/14
- This is Happiness:
- Everybody, hold your hands together.Close your eyes; open your hearts.Be free of all worries,And let go into the light.Falling angels, give a kissTo the items bathing into the light.They all lean close to each other,In sleep in the peaceful dawn.Hands held tightly,We sing together as brothers,With our different voices,We are all loved equally.Sing a song together,Until we fall into the meadow.Do a dance together,Till we all see dawn.Holding hands together,So we won't lose one or the other.Till we become exhausted and fall asleep.The word of peace has no boundary.The insides of our soul are memories.The heart we formed will be our end.So let's hold our hands across the world.The angels sing a song of love,We all cherish it.The words of hope,Have let us gone free.The words of doubt,Is our only poison.They keep our feet planted to the ground.The weight of the world is gone now,Freedom at last, is our only salvation.Though we might not meet again, I'll still love you,As our hands lose each other's grips.Good bye, my brother......
Okay, this thing is about death. More of on the peaceful and not violent side... I just really need to stop being emo. x'D
- Fire flowers (Not anything like the awesome Halyossy & Len):
- Fire flowers bloom slightly,They spread their arms as they fall to the groundThe light feeling in my chest burns nonchalantlyThe smiles on their faces surround meTo the point my breath becomes shallow.The feelings enlight the words of longing,"Love me, hold me, never let me go"The shade of embers tickle my throatAs the sky leans away from my reach.The fire flower blooms ever so dullyAs our last kiss burned scorn into my twisted bodyMy limbs entangle under the shadows of lustWhen I wake up, sleep refuses me.I despise you so muchGet away from meI can't escapeMy breath only leaves me..I stumble around blindly into the darkI will follow you even if I don't have a sufficient reason toMaybe one day I can grow to love you...Before I become trapped under your embraceFire flowers shut off their beauty to the worldThe warmth they emanated is now far goneThe light feeling became a lost emotionThere's only one grin now (It's on your exhausted face)Even if they are all faraway; I still suffocate under your arms('Cause one is enough to devour my body)"Love me, Love me, Love me" The shadow repeated as it craddled my limp bodyI remained passive and sank to the floorThe emotions strangle my throatI lay lamely for a fire flower to eat.Fire flowers bloom ever so lightlyAs they awake from their deep slumberThey sway and sway while consuming eachotherLeaving the unedible parts to wasteLove me, Love me, Love me, Love me even moreBefore I grow old and my insides become soft.Love me, Love me, Love me, Love me even moreBefore I throw up and die on the floor.Love me. Love me. Love me.Fire flowers bloom within the shadowWe dance through the night; our bodies become entangledEvery night it seems, sleep is just not a thing.Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me even more.As I wake up, I can't fall back to sleepLove me. Love me. The pain throbs inside me.The sky leans in my reach, but I refuse to grab it.Love me. Hold me. Never let me go.The fireflower's alluring scent spread vibrantly throughout the nightThe shadow gave one last kiss to the fire flowerBefore fading away into the light.I have to say this... It's about kidnapping.
Last edited by ikikurface on Tue Feb 18, 2014 6:25 pm; edited 3 times in total (Reason for editing : adding another story)
ikikurface- Conversationalist
- Singing Alias : Ikikur Posts : 183
Join date : 2013-12-12
Age : 26
Location : Banana
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Re: Ikikur Wrote Stuff
by Aerlith Sat Jan 11, 2014 8:09 pm
The imagery here is very nice. c: Just a few grammar mistakes though. Let me know if you want me to tell you or not.
Aerlith- Forever messing with staff.
- Singing Alias : Aerlith Posts : 1976
Join date : 2013-03-16
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ikikurface- Conversationalist
- Singing Alias : Ikikur Posts : 183
Join date : 2013-12-12
Age : 26
Location : Banana
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Re: Ikikur Wrote Stuff
by Aerlith Mon Jan 13, 2014 12:51 am
- Spoiler:
- She had always fallen to the bottom into her pool of blood.
She always fell to the bottom into her pool of blood.
^ not sure which one you're going for here.
She didn't give in,Though corrupted and damaged as she is,
She continued to climb to the vibrant rose petals,
Every time her fall (is? may work better here) gets longer,
Though in (Perhaps Even so instead?) so, the dried blood stains become more infrequent.
As she continued on her dimly lit journey to the rose petals,
No matter how much corruption and damage she takes.
I would stick to one tense here. You start off in present, swap to past, then switch back to present. With the next stanza, it can work the way you have it for the first two lines, then the two lines after that.. you should choose between either present or past. c:
If you feel like editing the piece, too, you can perhaps add more of the five senses in. c: Really give us a sense of the struggle that she is going through while trying to climb this rose. It also depends on what you want to emphasize in this piece though, too. xD So if the struggle itself isn't it, then if you could give some more details on what you do want to emphasize on, then that could make this piece even better.
Aerlith- Forever messing with staff.
- Singing Alias : Aerlith Posts : 1976
Join date : 2013-03-16
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Re: Ikikur Wrote Stuff
by ikikurface Tue Jan 14, 2014 6:37 pm
Thank you, I fixed up the errors , and I might edit the piece later or until it comes back to me. xD
But Thank you again^^
But Thank you again^^
ikikurface- Conversationalist
- Singing Alias : Ikikur Posts : 183
Join date : 2013-12-12
Age : 26
Location : Banana
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ikikurface- Conversationalist
- Singing Alias : Ikikur Posts : 183
Join date : 2013-12-12
Age : 26
Location : Banana
-
Re: Ikikur Wrote Stuff
by RuukiKaru Sat Feb 22, 2014 11:51 am
Oh god... well done! I love your style keep going ~~
RuukiKaru- Newbie
- Singing Alias : Ruuki Posts : 29
Join date : 2014-02-10
Age : 27
Location : In a cat box in Portugal.
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